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Stepfamilies! Seek First To Understand Before You Seek To Be Understood
By Jo Ball -The Stepfamily Coach
As every person is unique so is every family. As unique as a family is, so are their challenges, worries and successes. It's easy to blame a particular person for particular 'bad' behaviours but it's important to reflect on why the behaviour might be there in the first place.
People in stepfamilies may be working with a whole array of emotions - rejection, fear, sadness, anger, hurt, disappointment, jealousy....the list could go on. It can be complex and complicated.
When working with a client earlier this week she was explaining some behaviours that she didn't like from her partner. She found these behaviours were only displayed when it came to matters of her daughter, his stepdaughter.
My client felt her partner was attacking her daughter with his criticism and she would defend her to the BITTER end. It was the only thing they really argued over and in an otherwise very deep and loving relationship, there was disharmony.
Having been in the position her partner is now in I was able to empathise with his reactions and understood where he was coming from, so I shared my experiences with her to give her another perspective. Hearing it from me, when emotions weren't running high, my client saw why her partner was behaving in such a way. She felt relieved to be able to empathise with him and even began to agree with his point of view.
From here she was able to discuss these things with him, outside of an argument, which enabled them to ease this turbulent whirlpool in an otherwise calm flowing stream.
So next time someone does something you don't like pause for a while and be curious as to why they might have done that. When emotions are calm have a chat about it, in a non-judgemental way. Seek to understand and it will help you to be understood.
You'll quickly notice a positive difference.
Want more help?
It doesn't need to be hard going in a stepfamily. You don't need to feel pulled in every direction or be confused over how to deal with issues that come up. I can help people in similar situations to you build strong relationships and a happy home. To find out how visit www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com.
Wishing you a happy family.
Jo
www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com
About the Author
The Stepfamily Coach, Jo Ball, offers support and guidance to divorced and separated parents and stepparents who are blending into a new family. Grab your free report "7 Secrets For Blending A Family Without The Stress And Strain" from www.TheStepfamilyCoach.com
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