Being a Daddy & Livin' the Dream

A few years ago (it seems like a lifetime ago, now) you were in your prime, physically and personally. You and your wife wanted a family, so you figured, it's now or never, right? You were in your prime, professionally, too, climbing that career ladder surely and steadily. Soon enough, it was 2.2 kids and a great job with a future-you were livin' the dream.

One child's a toddler now, the other just started first-grade, your wife's fantasizing about getting back to her career-and you've just been handed the reins of your company's BIG PROJECT, a major step on the way to the fabled Land of the Corner Office. You have to prove yourself to the boss, with results and enthusiasm, so these days you're at work by seven, surviving on fast-food and coffee, and you're not home again until the kids are in bed.

Being a sensitive, twenty-first century guy, you realize, with some guilt, that your wife is quietly going mad-being on call, 24/7-and your kids are growing up, with ever dimming memories of the man who they used to know as their father. Livin' the dream.

In such a competitive world, parents are often torn by the choices that have to be made, between career and family. And-like it or not-on average, men still make more of the family income than their wives. So, despite the changes in the way parenting is approached by today's families, it's often the father who wins the designation as the family breadwinner. It doesn't mean you have to be a blank spot in your childrens' lives.

Study after study has shown that children benefit from a father's influence. Kids who have close father relationships tend to be more confident when approaching issues which require problem-solving. Overall, they're less intimidated by difficult schoolwork, and less intimidated by difficulties in interpersonal relationships with friends-or bullies.

Children who are close to their fathers tend to be more active, physically; fathers tend to play action games with them, more often than mothers do-and the games are less predictable, which helps hold children's interest longer.

The list of benefits goes on and on. So how do you balance your life with your childrens' needs? The first step is to acknowledge the need to be present in your childrens' lives, then explore ways to make it happen.

Your career may not permit you to be home every night by suppertime, but it shouldn't require you to be gone every hour of every day that your children are awake.

Many top companies today are starting to recognize the value of their employees' family life, and the resulting beneficial effects to productivity. An employee with a stable and rewarding family life is happier and less distracted at work. If your company expects a sixty-hour a week commitment from you for the next thirty years, it's probably time to look at a career change.

When you must work constantly, for temporary bursts, find ways to connect to your kids, even if you can't see them. Drop notes into their lunch bags in the morning, telling them how much you love them. Call them, during the day, when you have a spare five minutes; ask them about their day and their feelings. No matter how late you get home, kiss them goodnight. They might wake up for a minute, but it's worth it to them to know that you're real, and that you love them.

Livin' the dream is hard work. Don't forget that your family is the most important part of that dream.