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How to End a Relationship: Your Dating Exit Strategy
By Alan Stafford
Ending a relationship is rarely a mutual decision. In almost every case, one partner wants to end the relationship; the other partner does not. And sometimes, the doomed relationship continues longer than it should because the leaving partner does not know a graceful way to end the relationship.
What if you are the partner wanting to break up? You could stay in the relationship to avoid hurting the feelings of your partner. Or you could stay with him or her out of a pity. But this staying when you want to leave creates an unhealthy relationship. It is unfair to him, and it is really unfair to you. If the relationship is emotionally, staying on means living a lie. Because the relationship is no longer healthy and honest, there are arguments and accusations, hurt feelings and threats. You've been there. You don't want to go through that ever again. But what can you do?
When It's Over, It's Over
Create a preplanned exit strategy once you've decided the relationship is kaput. With a strategy in hand and a script in your pocket, you will feel more confident in breaking up sooner instead of later. Making a quick, clean break is a kindness to the other person. He avoids false hope and can begin the grieving and healing process that is a natural part of a breakup. When it's over, it's over. Both your time and his/hers are better spent meeting other people instead of fumbling for a way out. Remember, you and your partner actually want the same thing: a relationship of mutual respect, admiration, and affection. If these characteristics are missing from either partner, the relationship will suffer and fail. The overall purpose for both of you is to find that special someone. Ending your relationship now will free both of you to pursue the dream of finding that lifetime partner.
Besides, if you manage to break up earlier rather than later, you increase the possibility that you both may stay friends forever. Staying in a relationship too long leads to resentment, anger, and hurt. The longer you stay in a bad relationship, the more bitter the breakup and the more estranged the two of you are afterward.
Dating Exit Strategy: Practice It!
Remember, you will end all your future relationships except for the last one. Why not be prepared? The first time you realize that your requirements will not be met, try this: you can say, "I think you're a really great person, but I don't think we're a good match". If you rehearse this at home like a Hollywood actor would, you'll be more comfortable when you have to "say your lines" to the person you're dating. You never know, the date you let down gently may become a future referral source.
If he likes you but agrees that the two of you aren't really couple material, he'll probably bird dog some prospects for you. Because the two of you did not go through an extended and bitter breakup, he could actually be your friend. And friends help friends get what the want including dates.
A final tip: don't change your mind. It'll be difficult, especially if your partner doesn't want to let you go. But remember, when your relationship is dead, nothing and nobody will revive it. Be gentle, but firm - you're on your way to finding someone much, much better that the person you're talking to. And so is he. Do both of you a favor, and do it now.
About the Author
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com
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about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm
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© 2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
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