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Fears that Drive Reactions: The Wholistic Perception
By Carol Welsh
When your hot buttons are pushed, it triggers an initial emotional reaction which is fueled by your fears and influenced by your perceptual style: Audio, Feeler, Visual and Wholistic.
For instance, the first emotion that Audios feel is anger when they think someone is trying to control them. Maintaining personal control is of utmost importance to them.
For Feelers, their initial reaction is indignation because they feel unappreciated for all they've done for you. Not being taken for granted and your showing that you appreciate their thoughtfulness are of utmost importance to them.
The first emotion Visuals feel is frustration when they can't get you to see their reasons for doing things in a structured, step-by-step fashion. Perfectionism, or having high standards as they see them, is of utmost importance to them.
For each of the perceptual styles, there are four major fears that stimulate the reactive emotion. The initial reaction Wholistics feel is resentment. This article is devoted to the fears that stimulate Wholistics' reactions.
Fear: Wholistics are afraid of not being given a chance to excel. Wholistics are born with the feeling that they are destined for excellence. Therefore they somehow know if given the chance, they can rise to the occasion.
Reaction stimulated by the fear: They can see the shortest distance between two points, so may feel resentment when others don't want to follow their recommendation on how to do something more efficiently. They feel shackled by those who pull back because they want to do something their own way rather than the easier way that he could prove is faster and easier, if given the chance.
Fear: Wholistics are afraid of life passing them by before they show the world what they are capable of being/doing. They want the opportunity to try new things, to think outside the box, to be a risk taker.
Reaction stimulated by the fear: If they expected others to open doors for them rather than pursuing their dreams or if they were passed over for promotions or opportunities, Wholistics may become bitter. They make excuses by blaming others for losing their dreams. However, the excuses don't soften the disillusionment they have in themselves.
Fear: Wholistics are afraid of failure and not reaching their full potential. They want to leave a legacy, not an obituary that reads "He existed for 82 years and died."
Reaction stimulated by the fear: Wholistics are risk takers when they have confidence in themselves. But if they have low self-esteem because they perceive that people do not value their ideas/feelings/beliefs, they become cynical and give up on trying anything new: "Why bother, nobody cares about what I think or do anyway."
Fear: Wholistics are afraid of restrictions. They want to be free to go with the flow, be spontaneous. They don't want to be tied down. They like work environments where they are encouraged to be leaders and try new ideas.
Reaction stimulated by the fear: They don't like to feel hemmed in by unreasonable demands or expectations that they consider a waste of time. If management does not appreciate initiative or innovation, they might quit their jobs or just put in their time doing what is minimally expected of them. They can become negative and moody.
Charles Finn shows us in his poem, Please Hear What I'm Not Saying, that we all wear masks to hide our fears. (His poem is printed with permission in Stop When You See Red.) Wholistics are the most adaptable of the four styles. This is why they are so adept at switching masks. They are chameleons, quickly changing masks as needed for the moment.
How can you help Wholistics remove their masks? The masks allow them to put on a persona of bravado, which hides the desperate feeling that they've failed to reach their full potential and will never amount to anything. By accepting them as they are and encouraging them that it's never too late to be all they are capable of being, the masks will fall one by one. Your faith in them will renew their faith in themselves.
Your fears will dissipate if you believe in yourself and know that you are here on Earth for a reason. At times you may reach for your masks to provide a temporary retreat. However, when you let go of discouragement by courageously facing your fears, the masks will disintegrate. Your life will be more meaningful and rewarding because you will be in control rather than your fears controlling you.
About the Author
Carol Welsh, M.S,. is the author of "Stop When You See Red." She has over 25 years of experience as a speaker and is a frequent guest on talk shows. Her Web site is http://www.stopred.com. She can be contacted at carolwelsh@stopred.com
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