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  Category: Articles » Arts & Entertainment » Humor » Article

Timothy Ward's Great Coloring Book Rebirth

By Timothy Ward

I bought a coloring book yesterday from Wal-Mart. I hadn't colored in years and I got the strange urge to out of the blue. I also bought a 24-pack of Crayola crayons. The box says they are non-toxic which is a relief. I just wonder who sells the toxic crayons and how they compare in price to the crayons I bought. Some people may consider having a radioactive glow about them the same color as the crayon they justed used to be a great feature for which they would gladly pay extra.

The coloring book I bought is called Justice League to the Rescue and it contains colorable pictures of all the Justice League heroes like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and The Flash. My favorite is Batman. I've always admired the darkness that hangs about him. Other superheroes seem to happy and cheerful (even when supervillains are totally destroying their towns) but not Batman- you can hear the depression in his voice. I would vote Batman the 'CrimeFighter You Would Most Likely Run Into At Your Shrink's Office. I'm willing to bet that Batman has a few anti-depressants tucked away in one of thse pouches on his BatBelt.

Since Batman is my favorite member of the Justice League I started my coloring book rebirth with one of his pictures. I colored his suit blue, his gloves and boots red, and the underside of his cape indigo. I would have called it purple but the side of the crayon said 'Indigo, Indigo, Indigo', apparently because indigo is spelled the same way in English, Spanish and, I believe, French. I'va always wondered why Crayola listed the crayon colors on the side of their crayons in three different languages. As I child it was very confusing to me because I didn't know which listing was English and so up until about 10 years old I pronounced most of my colors in the Spanish tongue. I still blame this for most of my academic failures in life, that and the fact that all through middle and high school I refused to take more than one book home at a time. Even if I had homework in 4 classes I would only take one book home. Taking more than one book home made you look like a complete losernerd, or in my case, more of a complete losernerd.

I colored Batman's eyes and face yellow-green (verde amarillo, vert-jaune) because I thought it would give him that money green aura that I'm sure a gazillionaire like Bruce Wayne has about him. Turns out I probably should have went with green-yellow (amarillo verde, jaune-vert) because instead of 'money green' the aura I got was 'ready-to-puke' which is probably the way he really looks most of the time when you factor in all the tall buildings Batman is constantly leaping from.

I was so satified with my picture when I finished coloring in that I signed and dated it. Who knows, years from now when I become a household name that picture may be worth a fortune. You may see it on ebay going for thousands of dollars. Don't despair if you can't afford to buy it-I've got a whole coloring book here and a lot more crayons, I'm sure I can color something in your price range. Tell you what, just for you, I'll even get rid of the Crayola crayons and color a picture with a box of those regular ol' toxic crayons. Then you'll not only get a Timothy Ward original colored picture but you also get that great radioactive glow...
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