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  Category: Articles » Arts & Entertainment » Humor » Article

Timothy Ward IS Hotter Than You

By Timothy Ward

Inspiration for the articles I write does not always come instantly. That's why I spend hours upon hours each day surfing the internet and visiting various websites. This may sound like time wasted or goofing off but I assure you that I am working. While some writers find that long walks or exercise help them to invoke the muse, I've found that cruising along through cyberspace with no particular place to go helps to stimulate that corner of my brain that holds great ideas. Sometimes when I need a little more stimulation I even go as far as drinking a few Bud Lights. The things I do to please my readers...

One of my favorite websites to visit when I've had a few beers is If you haven't heard of then I suggest you click over there real quick and check it out. I'm far too buzzed to go into a detailed description right now. I'll pause while everyone clicks over. (PAUSE) Ok! Is everyone back? Good! And now that we all know what is all about I can continue with my ranting.

I like because it allows me to look at women without the risk of them calling me a 'pervert' or 'freak'. In fact I can stare at the women on as long as I want and none of them will call me a psychpath, or worse, call the police.

I also love the fact that I get to rate the women after I've finished oogling over them. Any man will tell you that this is basically what we do anyway. We look at a women and then we rate her in our heads. Of course our rating scale is not so much 'from one to ten' as it is 'would I sleep with her or not', but it's essentially the same concept.

I hate the pictures of woman that have men in them as well. I find it hard to rate a women if she has her boyfriend standing there next to her. If I give her a 9 does that mean that he gets a 9 as well? I may not think that he is a 9. Not that I'm judging men. But then again maybe I am. I'm not gay or anything but I know an ugly man when I see one. But that doesn't mean I'm comfortable rating them.

I finally got up the nerve to put my picture on Actually, it wasn't so much getting up the nerve as it was getting up the money to get my picture developed onto a CD so that I could upload it. I'm an admitted cheapskate and even though it only cost $2.82 I still had to work the added expense into the budget. Now that my pictures online I wake up every morning and check my stats to see hat rating people are giving me. Today when I checked I was up to a 7.2! That means that I am hotter than 69% of the men on the site! At least that what it says on my statistics page. That means that for every 100 males that post their pctures on only 31 of them can do as good as me in the looks department. I'll be sure to bring that up at my 10 year high school reunion. Every one else may have great careers as doctors, lawyers, mystery shoppers, et cetera, but has all of cyberspace voted them into the 'Top 35 Percentile of Hotness'. I think not.

You can click here: to rate my picture. However, I warn you that I have contacts in the Russian underworld and I'd hate to have to send the Gormanilov brothers after you because you gave me a 4 or below. I might be just a tad bit biased but I think I'm easily a 8. Then again that may just be the liquid stimulation talking...

About the Author
Timothy Ward has decided to go on a hunger strike until his humor column, 'I Never Said I Was Normal', reaches 1000 subscribers. You can help him out by visiting and signing up. Please hurry, his ribs are already starting to show.

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