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Babies Bring Love, Joy and Opinions
By James Brann, MD
The old saying ¡°babies aren¡¯t born with instruction manuals¡±
has opened the door for unwanted advice from family and
friends, alike. If you¡¯re a mother, specifically a ¡°new¡± mother,
at first you may appreciate the guidance of those that went
before you. But eventually even the most patient of women
will break. You will most likely become a hermit, hiding the
car in the garage, locking the doors, turning the ringer off and
avoiding anyone that perceives themselves as an ¡°expert¡± on
the subject of motherhood and newborns. So before you
become a recluse and start avoiding all human contact;
here¡¯s some more advice on ¡°unwanted¡± advice.
Often times, a new mother¡¯s insecurities get the best of her,
and in all honesty, this happens to all mothers; not just the
¡°new¡± ones. As mothers, we¡¯re always questioning our
abilities to raise our children. You want the best for them and
fear you¡¯ll make bad choices, its human nature. Therefore,
when someone offers advice or guidance, we often take their
words as criticism. But in all reality, most family and friends
mean to help, not judge. Open your mind to their words;
ignore the little voice inside your head that says they¡¯re
judging you. In most instances, these same people have
been giving you ¡°unwanted¡± advice for years and you¡¯ve
never paid any attention to it. The insecurities of having a
newborn often times warrants defensive behaviors when
faced with unwanted advice. However, motherhood is a
learning experience; it starts at the birth and never ends.
Listening to family and friends that have walked in your shoes
before can, however, be a soothing and rewarding
experience.
Everyone will have opinions on certain circumstances and if
you listen closely, even theirs will differ from one another.
Pretty soon, you find yourself throwing your hands up and
surrendering like General Lee. However, often times by
educating yourself on what the actual ¡°experts¡± say can
eliminate the frustration and the insecurities that a new mom
will face. Educating yourself on the best choices that you can
make for your newborn can build self-confidence, self-
respect, and sanity.
It is very important for mother¡¯s to have a good relationship
with their infant¡¯s pediatrician, as well. Often times, the trust
you put into your child¡¯s doctor will help fight off those
insecurities that you may have. A pediatrician sees most
infants several times during the first few months of their lives.
These are great opportunities for mother¡¯s to ask questions.
Keep a notebook handy, write down concerns that you have,
or questions.
Lighthearted advice is just that, when given it¡¯s meant to be
taken as helpful hints and suggestions. However, in some
instances, you will have family and friends insisting on ¡°their
way¡± of doing things. When this circumstance occurs, be
prepared. Thank the person and tell them you will consider
their advice, quote what you have read from child-rearing
books, explain to them that you and your child¡¯s pediatrician
has discussed the matter and you¡¯re following doctors orders.
If all else fails, change the subject or leave the room.
In many circumstances, especially those that are short-term,
you may consider following the person¡¯s advice while they
are present. In all reality, they will leave and when they do, so
can their advice. Short-term circumstances that have no
long-term effects are just that. They won¡¯t warp or change the
big picture. If your mother-in-law comes to your house to
¡°help¡±, and suggests adding more blankets to the crib or
turning the heat up because the baby looks cold, just go with
it. When she does leave, you can quickly undo the heartfelt
actions.
Often times, you may find yourself in a circumstance where
all other methods of deterring an opinion or advice have
failed. You have tried avoiding the subject, quoting a doctor
or expert, and even ignoring the advice. But yet still, the
person insists on you listening to them. It is at this time that
you have to result to what I call, ¡°the truth¡±. In the kindest
fashion possible, you explain to them your honest feelings on
the subject, you express gratitude that they care, but in all
honesty, the child is yours and you know what¡¯s best. If you¡¯re
uncomfortable saying this to someone; ask a friend, your
husband, or another family member to talk to the person and
explain to them your true feelings on the situation.
It¡¯s important to surround yourself with positive people. If
possible, find other mother¡¯s that share your views and
values. Then, as mother¡¯s you can swap stories, not advice.
http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/newborn_baby.htm
About the Author
Dr. James Brann is a board certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist and a Fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. He is also the Editor of Women's Healthcare Topics.com
http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com
Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/article/9271.html
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