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Child Discipline: Learning How To Use Consequences
By Jill Brennan
Growing up means learning who you are apart from your family. This creates
conflict--especially when the child wants something other than his or her
parents. Conflict is a fact of life for every family. Because of this inevitable
conflict, every parent has had to discipline their child.
One of the most simple, effective, and oldest methods of discipline--as well as
teaching them self-control--is to use "if, then" consequences. ("IF you do not
finish your peas, THEN you get no dessert.") If you are having problems with
your child, this is an easy way to help your child make good decisions, and has
been proven to bring about quick changes to any child.
Before beginning to use this method, there are a few things parents need to
understand:
1. There is a world of difference between punishing your child and
disciplining her. Punishment is meant to show power and strength, but little
love. Discipline teaches a child what behavior they exhibited that was
unacceptable, and helps them to understand why. Children also learn what you
want them to do next time.
2. Make the consequences of your child's action appropriate to the behavior, and
make them immediate. (Also make sure that the consequences are things you both
can live with. Telling your child that you'll leave him home for the next outing
when you--and he--know that you won't, is not effective).
3. Rewards for good behavior should not be monetary, nor should they be
expensive gifts. We parents do not get money, cars, expensive gifts, etc., for
doing the right thing, and we do not want to teach our children that she will be
rewarded for doing the right thing. Rewards should be based on the effort your
child makes, not necessarily a perfect outcome.
4. Be consistent! Children thrive on consistency. If he gets away with something
once, he'll try it again. Being inconsistent not only aggravates you, but can
exacerbate the situation.
"If/Then" consequences are simple to come up with. To start, make a list of the
behaviors or decisions you want your child to show (getting acceptable grades),
as well as a list of unacceptable behaviors (failing classes). Make sure these
behaviors are known to your child, and that your child knows that your list is
far from complete, and can be added to at any time.
Create a consequence for each unacceptable behavior (no TV, phone, computer,
video games, etc.). Make sure that the consequences are appropriate and takes
away something of value to the child. In addition to consequences, make a list
of privileges your child can earn (extra dessert, more time on the computer,
etc.).
Once you know what each consequence or reward is, schedule a time to talk to
your child. Make sure that there are no distractions (such as the TV or cell
phones) on either side. Schedule a time when you are relaxed and calm, and so is
your child. Tell your child what you expect, and why you want to make the
changes. Keep the discussion brief, and make it appropriate to her age level.
Let your child know that you love him, and because you love him, that the two of
you are going to work on changing some unacceptable behaviors.
The most important thing parents can do is to instil good values into a child.
One of the easiest ways to do this is to teach children that there are
consequences to her actions.
About the Author
To get Help for Parents and proven parenting tips and techniques for busy parents visit Parenting Skills: www.PracticalParentingTips.com
Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/article/46114.html
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| Some other articles by Jill Brennan | |
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