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  Category: Articles » Health & Fitness » Men's Health » Article

Being Abused by a Woman

By Neil Millar

A British Crime Survey published in 1999 showed that men were as likely to have been assaulted by an intimate partner as women. Years later the common view remains that men are the most likely abusers. It also seems that the perception remains that when a man is beaten by a woman it's comical.

Having suffered domestic violence myself, I'm clear on the fat that it's not funny.

How Do Abused Men Feel?

However abuse manifests, be it physical, emotional or mental it rocks our self esteem. For me, it tore great big holes in my confidence, it made me withdraw from life to the extent I became reclusive.

For a time I also became dependant on the abuser. More than anything I wanted their approval. I wanted them to appreciate me or something I'd done. But that approval never came. That made me try all the harder. Still it never came. I began to feel inadequate as a human being, then later as a man.

On one occasion I was caught unawares when her temper flew out of nothing and she caught me unawares. That day she hit me repeatedly. I collapsed, legs paralyzed, unable to move. She was in a foul temper. Her eyes were bulging, mouth snarling and fists clenched. I realised, as I sat in a heap on the floor, that there was nothing I could do if she wanted to kill me.

That day, even if I had the strength, I wouldn't have struck her back. I was brought up with a little chivalry - men don't hit women - but of course I would have protected myself... if I could.

Without doubt I also loved this woman. I also knew I didn't deserve to be treated this way. I knew I shouldn't have been in the relationship, but once again she won me over with her remorse and what I genuinely believe was a realisation that she shouldn't behave in this way.

After this event I knew I needed help, but to seek help seemed disloyal to my partner. And let's be honest I couldn't really admit what was happening to me. I couldn't walk into a doctor's surgery and say my partner keeps beating me up. I couldn't tell my friends I didn't have the guts to leave. I couldn't tell my family that I was hurting more than ever.

So what do you do?

On one occasion I called the Samaritans - at least that was anonymous. Then one day I cracked. I went to see a holistic therapist. She knew my body was in pain and asked me a few questions. That was the day I let the cat out of the bag and began to find some support and enough personal strength to say to myself, 'Yes I love this woman, but I'm not going to be her victim any longer.'

It's hard enough to ask for help when you get abused, but especially hard for us men, who believe we're too strong to be beaten. But the truth is, it happens to us as much as it happens to women.

I hope this article helped you

About the Author
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  Some other articles by Neil Millar
Practical Tips For Men - Getting Your Head Around Divorce and Separation
Being logical creatures, us men like to know what's what. We like to know where and when. We like to stay in control ...

Teenagers - Fighting their Fire with Water and Avoiding Abuse
When my son hit teens the rules changes. Suddenly the behaviour of my sweet loving boy changed. He challenged everything, refused to help, forgot habits ...

Smacking... Should You or Shouldn't You?
Smacking children when they've been naughty, disrespectful or defiant has been an issue for a while. Some people feel we should smack ...

The Big Question for Any Relationship
I've got one big question. It's a question that will make everything in your relationship completely worthwhile... even the bits that get on your nerves and cause you head and heart aches… ...

The Most Powerful Question any Abused Person can Ask
When bad things happen to us, like abuse and violent acts, it can takes us years, or a lifetime to recover. But if we are to recover, we often seek out help of someone ...

Your Children Can be Victims Too
When you leave a relationship with a woman who has abused you, you may not have been able to take your child with you due to the current ...

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