The Truth About Marriage Counseling
By Larry Bilotta
Most couples don't seek out counseling when they hit a few "bumps" in the
road. They often get help once their spouse tells them, "I love you, but
I'm not in love with you".
Maybe this is the case in your marriage and now you're afraid your marriage
is heading straight for divorce. Your first instinct might be
to reach for the yellow pages, or search on the internet for marriage counselors
in your area.
I've got to tell you....I get questions everyday from individuals who managed
to convince their spouse to see a counselor. They think they're doing the right
thing for their marriage, but instead of their spouse coming back to them with
open arms, they end up swearing to never go back there after just one or two
sessions, claiming that it "didn't work".
Of all the complaints I've heard about marriage counseling, these are the top
three objections I hear most often:
1) The first few sessions are a waste of time and money.
Couples tell me it took weeks for their counselor to get an idea of what was
at the core of their struggles as a couple. They went into marriage counseling
hoping for a sense of IMMEDIATE relief, not a series of long,
drawn out sessions that seemed to be focused on placing blame and establishing
who was at fault in the relationship.
2) The counselor's requests are unreasonable and too
Recently, I spoke with a woman who did not want to see a counselor, but
reluctantly agreed to participate in the first few sessions with her husband.
She quit after a few sessions because she believed the marriage counselor was
asking her to do things she considered as "unreasonable".
For instance, one task she was instructed to do every day was smile at her
husband at least once a day. It seemed very strange to her that a professional
would ignore her massive resentment towards her husband, and
ask her to artificially smile anyway. She confirmed to me that she did not WANT
to smile at her husband! And even if she COULD bring herself to do something
like this, she was convinced that it was in no way a step forward in helping
them save their marriage. She simply felt it was too little too
3) The sessions are dragged out and opened-ended.
So many couples lamented to me that marriage counseling was frustrating at
best and intensified their anger at worst. Because of its open-ended
lack of a destination or plan, couples go to see a professional
and want to see immediate results, but marriage counselors are not structured
for immediate results or even immediate relief. Their focus is on the
process and the value of multiple visits which may or may not result in any
So what does this mean for you?
If you have not experienced marriage counseling, it means you should begin to
explore more options than the conventional office visit route. Do your research
and get all the facts on marriage counseling before you devote your time and
energy into something with such a history of poor results.
The following web page will provide you with a list of criteria to consider
before you decide on marriage counseling. http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/marriage-counselors.html
Whether you choose traditional counseling or an alternative to marriage
counseling, my advice is this: don't give up on your marriage just yet,
there are solutions available that can help you save your marriage.
About the Author
After 27 years in a hellish marriage, Larry Bilotta transformed his relationship with his wife and now offers struggling couples a positive alternative to marriage counseling. Get your free, 45 min consultation and find out if there is hope for your marriage at the alternative to marriage counseling website.
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