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Category: Articles » Arts & Entertainment » Humor » Article » Article Code

Could You Be A Workaholic?

If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic. It never crossed my mind that there could be such a thing as a redneck workaholic, until I read a column on "Are you a workaholic?" "Did you read this?" I asked my wife. "Are you a workaholic? It looks just like those you-might-be-a-redneck jokes." My wife studied the page. "Maybe it was written by a redneck alcoholic." She suggested. "Workaholic, not alcoholic." "How do you know the writer is not an alcoholic?" she demanded. "I don't. ... read more

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Article Body:

If you need to put on boots and grab a lap-top computer to 
relieve yourself at night, you might be a redneck workaholic.

It never crossed my mind that there could be such a thing as a 
redneck workaholic, until I read a column on "Are you a 
workaholic?"

"Did you read this?" I asked my wife. "Are you a workaholic? It 
looks just like those you-might-be-a-redneck jokes."

My wife studied the page. "Maybe it was written by a redneck 
alcoholic." She suggested.

"Workaholic, not alcoholic."

"How do you know the writer is not an alcoholic?" she demanded.

"I don't. But the column is about workaholics, and it reads just 
like a series of redneck jokes."

"Well, maybe it was written by a redneck workaholic, then." She 
suggested.

"No way. There is no such a thing."

"Why not?" she wanted to know.

"Because workaholics sit late in front of computer screens and 
steroid-laced in-boxes, wearing $500 suits and $550 haircuts. 
Folks out here wear $19.95 jeans and occasionally wash their 
hair."

"But many of them do spend late hours in front of their 
computers," my wife pointed out.

"Like who?"

"Like you."

"Oh, yeah."

"Being a workaholic is not just about computers and offices and 
taking out a mortgage for a haircut," she added. "Look at 
Buster."

"Buster?"

"Sure, every time he's set to retire, he goes and buys another 
machine," she pointed out. "One year it was a backhoe. Another 
it was a dump truck."

"Wow, he must be desperate this year."

"Why?" my wife asked.

"Because this year he bought a whole combine."

"Ooh, that does sound desperate."

".plus a farm to use it on!"

"See?" my wife cried out. "You don't have to live in the city 
to be a workaholic. There can be such a thing as a workaholic 
redneck.

"That's a pity. Being a workaholic means missing out on a lot 
of life."

"That's true, but it's not just city folk who miss their kids 
growing up or are too busy working to help their wives clean the 
dishes."

I took the hint and picked up a drying cloth. "You mean that 
anyone can get caught up in work, and lose sight of what's really 
important? Even farmers, moat diggers and the guy who sorts 
through the trash at the dump looking for the tastiest morsels to 
throw to the gulls?"

"I suppose so," she answered with that what-have-you-been-
smoking look on her face. "Why not try to see if workaholic 
redneck jokes work?"

"Well, if you look forward to Christmas this year, because you 
might take the afternoon off from tilling the land, you might be 
a workaholic redneck."

"That's the spirit," she encouraged.

I tried another, "If you're drinking your morning coffee from a 
dirty mason jar from yesterday, you might be a workaholic 
redneck."

"Very good," she praised.

"If you stick family pictures to your backhoe window to remind 
you what they look like, you might be a workaholic redneck."

"Why not try one more, just to make sure?" my wife suggested.

"OK, if you bring your work with you to your son's baseball 
game, you might be a workaholic redneck."

"Uh, OK." she began.

"And if nobody complains about the smell, you might live in a 
town full of workaholic rednecks!"

"You got it!" she shouted.

I realized that I had spent way too much time talking about 
workaholic redneck jokes. There was only one thing I could do to 
compensate.

I tossed aside the drying cloth, grabbed my lap-top computer and 
rushed to the outhouse to catch up on a few hundred urgent 
emails.

Author Bio:

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