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Influential Language To Use Today: Sleight Of Mouth Part 2

I have jumped on board the seemingly massively growing online social networking bandwagon that is MySpace. What an education it has been and what a ride the last week has been! There is a set of terminology that you need to know, a very particular etiquette that you must abide by and people just seem to have this crazed determination to have as many "friends" as possible. The reason for mentioning this is to do with communication. I was chatting to someone on there about the way people use language in these environments. It is ... read more

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I have jumped on board the seemingly massively growing online social networking bandwagon that is MySpace. What an education it has been and what a ride the last week has been!

There is a set of terminology that you need to know, a very particular etiquette that you must abide by and people just seem to have this crazed determination to have as many "friends" as possible. 
 
The reason for mentioning this is to do with communication.

I was chatting to someone on there about the way people use language in these environments. It is the same with text, email and with the instant message services. Everyone seems to abbreviate words, remove the vowels, refuses to punctuate... I am beginning to sound like my old English teacher at school!

Now if it was just spelling, grammar and punctuation that was missing or altered, I could cope with that, but I think and feel that all this mass, fast communication lacks any real ability to get a meaning, purpose or sentiment conveyed. How valuable it is to be able to convey your feelings with your written and spoken word! If it is not being conveyed now in these seemingly friendly environments, then what is to come of that person if they have to sell, influence, relate or communicate in a slightly more complex environment or a professional place?

I know, I know, I am sounding old and out of touch. Perhaps. However, I have been insistent in the way I continue to communicate within these modern communication methods and in these technological environments and I have managed to attract over 600 'friends' in the space of 4 days at the time of writing this, I have a far wider variety of people aware of my work and the way in which I communicate myself tends to be indicative of how I am and it is then easier to develop a trusting relationship, albeit across the internet in some instances!

I recently wrote about a set of Language Patterns that originally came from the field of NLP (neuro linguistic programming) that were called the "Sleight of Mouth Language Patterns." Here are 5 slight of mouth patterns that will enhance any communication whether it is online social networking, therapy, sales or just communicating with your family or friends;

1. Model of the World Pattern:

In order to generate a Model of the World Sleight of Mouth pattern, firstly ask the person you are communicating with if their belief is true for everyone.

The secondly, find a counter example of someone for whom their belief is not true. Let me illustrate this language pattern:

If someone expresses a limiting belief and they say: "I can't ever make much money because I did not go to University to get a degree."

A good reply from the model of the world pattern would be to say: "Bill Gates doesn't have a university degree and he's the richest man in the world."

Another example of a response would be: "Is there no one who is rich that doesn't have a university degree?"

This one is very straight forward. Basically, you call their belief into question by pointing out that it is not true for everyone. When you do so, it allows them to shift their perception and ideally their belief along with it.

2. Consequence Pattern:

To create a Consequence sleight of mouth pattern, firstly you want to ask the person that you are communicating with what might happen if they continue to hold that belief.

So, for example, a limiting belief of a lady I worked with recently was: "All men are pigs." (Except me of course... I am her therapist!)

Then, an example of a good Consequence response is: "What will happen if you continue to believe that?"

Let me explain this process of using this particular pattern. You see, often people don't consider the consequences of holding their beliefs. In the example given here, the response might be, "well, I guess I would never have a healthy, loving, trusting relationship with a man."

You might follow up by asking "Is that what you want?" If the answer is no, the conversation can evolve into one about how to tell the difference between the kind of man she might like to be involved with and someone who may well constitute a "pig."

Can you think of areas in your life where beliefs you hold could lead to less than useful results? If so, the consequence pattern can be the first step to overcoming these beliefs. That's right, you can ask yourself those kinds of questions too, very few people ever do, and many of us find it easy to hide from the truth of the answers...

3. Metaphor: I have gone into this in much more detail in previous editions of Adam Up when we spoke about story telling too.

However, to put together a Metaphor sleight of mouth pattern, the first thing you should do is to ask yourself "What story or saying or idiom or analogy is parallel to their belief and provides a solution?"

So, here is another example of a limiting belief illustrated in a conversation: "As I get older, I'm sure you'll find me less attractive."

A nice Metaphor response could be: "A sunset is the most beautiful part of the day."

An example of a limiting belief that people have with me is: "Your consultation fees are too expensive. Money doesn't grow on trees, you know."

A good Metaphor response would be: "That's right. Money grows from investment. Consulting with me is the seed that, when nourished properly, is an investment that can bloom for many, many years to come."

As I have mentioned before, when you tell a story, each individual listening digs into their own experiences to make sense of the story. When your story provides a solution they may use that solution to solve some problem in their lives.

When a limiting belief is expressed, tell a story that is similar in some way to their belief and have the story come to a successful resolution. I like these.

4. Counter Example Pattern:

So to put together a Counter Example sleight of mouth pattern, have a good think of some other person or situation in which the stated belief is not true and mention it.

One example of a typical limiting belief that I get from people wanting to set up in business is: "I'm afraid I'll never be able to run my own business, it's just too complicated."

Therefore a good example of the Counter Example response might be: "You learned how to drive and, at first that seemed very complicated didn't it?"

Another Counter Example Response could be: "My friend John said the same thing but he learned to run his own business."

Counter Examples are familiar to us all, I bet many of you are thinking that you use them a lot of the time anyway. When someone says, "It's impossible to stop smoking," we can all suggest that other people have stopped and therefore it's not impossible (in this example the pattern is not only a Counter Example but a Model of the World pattern as well).

5. Intent Pattern:

With this final pattern for today, creating an Intent sleight of mouth pattern is simple; firstly, ask what they hope to accomplish by making the statement or guess at what they are trying to achieve and comment on that.

Let me give an example of a limiting belief: "I don't think it will work out between us, you're just not affectionate enough."

A typical example of an Intent Response is: "What do you hope to accomplish by saying that?" 
 
The response might be "To get you to be more affectionate!" Then you could move on to solving that issue.

Another example Intent response to the same limiting belief is to guess at what they want to achieve:

"How would you like me to demonstrate affection toward you?" In this case you are guessing that what they really hope to accomplish by making the comment is more affection. You've moved beyond the blanket statement "It will never work out," to a more solution oriented approach.

The Intent Sleight of Mouth pattern helps to move beyond the limiting belief and get to accomplishing something. When people have a limiting belief it usually stops them from making any progress. It is so very valuable to move on to accomplishing something from the communication rather than just highlighting negatives or limiting beliefs, this is key to good, effective, pleasing communication.

Notice how asking what someone hopes to accomplish by making a given statement moves them from their seemingly "set in stone" belief to a more fluid, open-ended attitude.

Today, have some fun using these sleight of mouth language patterns in all your communication and see how you can make a positive impact with them.

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