| |
Flirting and Body Language When Dating - The Experts Opinions
By Joe Markus
If you¡¯re on a first date and you¡¯re trying to figure out what Mr.
or Ms. Potentially Right thinks about you, look downward.
Not there, silly.
¡°The key to a man¡¯s heart isn¡¯t his stomach. It¡¯s his feet,¡±
says Lisa Daily, author of ¡°Stop Getting Dumped!¡± (Subtitle: ¡°All
You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love With You and Marry
¡®The One¡¯ in 3 Years or Less.¡±)
As it turns out, the foot rule also applies to women.
¡°Watch the feet of the person you¡¯re attracted to,¡± she tips
AdamandDrew.com. ¡°People who are attracted to each other
subconsciously try to ¡®line up¡¯ with the other person. Where the
toes point, the heart follows.¡±
When you take the Sherlock Holmes approach to reading your date,
trying to sleuth out whether he/she thinks you¡¯re hot (or not),
body language is the smoking gun, my dear Watson.
¡°Even if we¡¯ve got our game faces on, the body doesn¡¯t lie,¡±
Daily says.
In fact, studies reveal that only 7% of our communication is verbal,
according to Mari Smith, a relationship coach based in San Diego,
California. The other 93% is nonverbal.
Tips & Clues
Men send out the following tips when they¡¯re interested in you,
according to Daily and Smith:
- Smiling.
- Extended eye contact.
- Grooming behaviors (straightening their ties, pulling up their
socks).
- Upright stance or posture.
- Standing with their chests thrust outward and shoulders back
(think of a giant preening peacock).
- Ego-driven comments about their successes in life (jobs, cash,
their cars).
¡°He may have one hand in his pocket, with his thumb sticking out,
or tuck his thumbs in his belt,¡± Smith adds.
As for the so-called ¡°fairer¡± sex, look for the following
nonverbal cues from a woman:
- Extended eye contact and smiling (just like men).
- Leaning inward or toward you.
- Exposing her neck, hands or palms.
- Flipping her hair (with her hands or a twist of the head) or
twirling it playfully.
- Crossing and uncrossing her legs.
- Fondling cylindrical objects like the stem of a wine glass, straw,
pen or cigarette. (Paging Dr. Freud¡)
¡°Houston, We Have a Problem¡±
¡°For both sexes, there are also signs that things are not going
well,¡± says Daily, who notes that distasteful dates, traumatic
breakups and consequent crisis periods often call for ¡°a few Nora
Ephron movies and two tubes of frozen cookie dough eaten right out
of the package.¡±
Look for speech patterns that are wildly out of sync. ¡°He¡¯s a slow
talker, while she¡¯s a thousand-words-a-minute,¡± she says.
Defensive body language¡ªarms crossed in front of the chest or hands
subconsciously protecting the groin area.
Someone who keeps looking over your shoulder while you speak.
¡°When someone is not interested in you, they will typically point
their body and feet away from you and position themselves at a
greater distance,¡± Smith adds.
Saying Goodnight¡or Saying Goodbye?
As your date winds down, other cues foreshadow your relationship¡¯s
future.
¡°If you give your date a hug on the doorstep and he or she pats you
on the back, it¡¯s a sign of discomfort,¡± Daily says. ¡°The more
uncomfortable your date feels, the bigger the pat. The other
obvious, not-so-great sign is going in for the doorstep kiss¡ªand
getting a handshake instead.¡± (Ouch!)
Positive signals are much easier to read: a concrete invitation for
a second date, with firm plans¡ªnot just ¡°let¡¯s do this again¡± or
¡°I¡¯ll call you sometime,¡± Daily says.
The Flirt Factor
Flirting with your date¡ªand being on the receiving end¡ªmeets
Sherlock¡¯s criteria for irrefutable evidence that your lovely
evening may evolve into a bona fide relationship.
Daily takes it one step further, asserting that flirting is
¡°absolutely necessary.¡±
¡°Flirting is how we communicate our interest¡ªand how we connect
emotionally before we connect physically,¡± she says. ¡°Generally,
flirting is harmless, but it can sometimes be interpreted
incorrectly by the ¡®flirtee.¡¯ The key is to pay attention to the
tone of the flirtation and wait to see how the flirter responds if
you try to take it up a notch. If she backs down, she was probably
just flirting for fun. If she escalates the flirting in turn, she¡¯s
communicating interest.¡±
¡°Use attitude, voice and body synchronization to make others feel
like they have a special rapport with you,¡± advises Nicholas
Boothman, a communication specialist and author of ¡° How to Make
Someone Love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less.¡± He encourages
those he counsels to learn to ¡°access¡ªand rev up¡ªyour sex appeal,
without going over the top.¡±
Translation?
Create chemistry by mirroring your partner¡¯s physical presence and
verbal behavior.
¡°When you synchronize your overall body language, your tone, the
speed and volume of your voice, and even the type of words you
use¡ªas well as your attitude¡ªpeople feel safe, familiar and
trusting with you,¡± he tells AdamandDrew.com.
Smith believes women have the edge¡ªand a lot more fun¡ªwhen it
comes to flirting. (Sorry, guys¡)
¡°Playful, lighthearted behavior is really the domain of women,¡±
she says, ¡°and typically men love it and gravitate toward the woman
who looks the most fun. It certainly pays to familiarize yourself
with all of the signs of attraction so you know how and when to
communicate interest¡ªand make sure you¡¯re sending the right
message!¡±
About the Author
Adam and Drew's Dating Tips has a large variety of free articles that have been written by consulting 'experts' in the dating, flirting and relationship fields. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com
Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/author-articles/4329/1.html
| If you wish to add the above article to your website or newsletters then please include the "Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/author-articles/4329/1.html" as shown above and make it hyperlinked. |
| Some other articles by Joe Markus | |
| |
|
