Help Your Child Help Others At Christmas

Whether you celebrate the holidays for their religious significance, or as a time for the fellowhip of friends and family-if you have small children, you know that Santa's visit is definitely the focus of their attention.

It's not unhealthy, according to most experts, for children to learn to relate to the season from an inherently "selfish" point of view. As every parent knows, in early development, kids regard what is satisfying-whether it's a hug or a meal-as special, so if a holiday promises pleasing rewards, then children learn that it must be special, too.

But there's another aspect to childhood development that adults are less aware of: the desire of children to comfort others. It can be as blatant as a two-year-old being upset when her older sister cries, or as subtle as a one-year-old pointing to a cuddle toy, an object that gives him comfort. Well-loved children instinctively want everyone around them to feel the same safety and love that they feel. Parents can nurture and further develop this natural empathy in their children, which can then develop into positive lifelong habits.

You probably noticed that, as your child began to walk and follow you around, she naturally tried to "help" you with chores or activities. Encouraging this kind of helpfulness with praise and love will help your daughter understand the value of working together. As she grows, she'll seek ways to be even more helpful to you and your family.

The holiday season just may be the perfect time to show her that her desire to help can have benefits outside the home, as well, and that she can have a positive effect on the lives of people outside her family. It's also the perfect time for the whole family to express concern for others and thankfulness for your own blessings, through volunteering.

At an early age, volunteering with your child need not be organized-something as simple as picking up litter in the park is an expression of care. While your child is very young, and until you're sure she won't put found objects in her mouth, you can make a game of it-have her "find" litter, and you pick it up.

As she grows, your volunteer activities can expand gradually to include direct involvement with others, as your daughter learns to grow comfortable with people she hasn't met. For instance, picking an afternoon to make and deliver homemade Christmas cards to an elderly neighbor or a nursing home resident, or helping a disabled or elderly neighbor decorate a room for the season is an easy way to include your child in an activity that's positive, without being intimidating. And your daughter will see that she can brighten someone else's holiday just as she brightens yours.

Eventually, as your child grows, these volunteer activities can be expanded beyond the holiday season. You may, as a family, prepare a meal, once a month, for an invalid, or help out at an animal shelter. Many cities have organizations which can help you choose age-appropriate volunteer activities for you and your child.

And the benefits extend far beyond childhood. Studies have shown that children who engage in volunteer activities with their parents grow to be active volunteers, themselves.

Realizing she's helped others to enjoy the season will make Santa's visit even more special to your daughter. Realizing you've helped shape a caring, concerned individual will make every holiday season even more special for you.