A Family Christmas After Divorce
By Jeremy White
The popular saying goes like this: "Breaking up is hard to do." Yet, when it
comes to marriage in the U.S., a large percentage of us do it. Divorce, however
unpleasant, is commonplace in today's society, and dealing with it during the
holidays is a fact of life with which adults and children alike must deal.
A divorce - especially a fresh one - can be particularly trying during the
holidays. The Yuletide season is one of giving and family, and the dissonance of
a divorce can greatly threaten the joy of the season. The challenge to adults is
to keep Christmas spirits high for the children. Just because a relationship has
been ruined doesn't mean a child's Christmas has to be ruined as well. Here are
some tips for making sure that doesn't happen this holiday season.
Put Your Kids First - Christmas is a selfless season. It's a time when we
focus on charity. Keep it that way. Think not of yourself or how to "one-up"
your ex-spouse. Instead, focus on the needs of your kids. Ask yourself what you
can do to ensure the holidays are happy and productive for them. Then do it.
Buy Your Ex a Gift - As much as kids love getting gifts, they also want to be
part of the giving. They revel in the opportunity to give both mommy and daddy a
gift or two, and it's up to you to help make that possible. Your little one has
no money and no transportation, so the only way they're getting your spouse a
gift is if you suck it up and take them Christmas shopping. Don't be the parent
that's too proud to buy your ex a gift. It's the child you'll end up hurting
anyway.
Don't Hog the Kids - There may be a custodial agreement in place where the
kids spend Christmas with mommy one year and then with daddy the next. Everyone
loses when that happens. Unless mommy and daddy live too far apart, there is no
reason the kids can't see both. Perhaps they spend the majority of Christmas Eve
at one place, then move to the other to spend the night and wake up on Christmas
morning. Next year reverse roles so that both parents have the opportunity to
watch the little ones wake up on Christmas morning and see what Santa left them.
See what you can work out with your spouse. Remember, do what's in the best
interest of the child.
Don't Take the Phone Off the Hook - When it isn't possible for one parent to
see the children on Christmas for whatever reason, don't shut them out
completely. Let the kids call them to say "Merry Christmas."
Old Habits Die Hard - Since Christmas is about family traditions, a divorce
naturally fractures those traditions. That's especially hard on the kids. When
it's possible to maintain an old tradition, such as helping mommy make cookies
or helping daddy select a tree, do so. When it's not, start new traditions with
your kids. They need them.
Don't Bad-Mouth Your Ex - If you need to complain about your ex, do so to
your adult friends - and don't do it in the presence of your children. No matter
how you feel about your ex, your children still love them and look up to them.
Don't hurt your kids by badmouthing their mommy or daddy. About the Author Brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, a regular contributor of valuable family oriented content. Learn how to truly light up your child's eyes this holiday season like never before with personalized letters from Santa Claus.
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