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Yes, Your Child is Perfect - Can We Change the Subject?
By J Gardener
Something's happened to your friends. It's been slow in coming, and it's
taken you a while to notice, but something is definitely wrong. You used to be
able to plan lunches or dinners or weekend get-togethers, but now your friends
are always… unavailable. Even after you had your child, you swore that
parenthood wouldn't stop you from preserving those relationships, that you'd be
close to your friends, forever.
So, what is it? You've kept your promise, but they're the ones who never seem
to have the time. It's starting to feel like they're actually avoiding you; it's
making you paranoid. Is your deodorant failing?
The saddest part, of course, is that they're the ones, missing out. They were
so happy for you, when you had your child, so anxious to hear about all the
miracles that each day brought you. Now, when you're brimming with stories about
your amazing, talented, beautiful, perfect child-and you have hundreds of
pictures-they can't even make time for coffee!
What's wrong with these people? Maybe they've had too much of a good
thing.
First-time parents-no matter how they've prepared themselves-are always
surprised at the depth of the emotions brought on by the birth of a child. You
can't plan for the psychological impact caused by the miracle of your child's
birth. Each following day, you're filled with awe, watching your child grow from
a helpless infant to a toddler with a unique personality. You naturally want to
share your joy with everyone you know.
And your friends are happy for you-they really are. They do want to know
about your adventures in parenting. It's just that, sometimes (as crazy as this
may sound to you), they think there are other things, like their lives, to talk
about.
Believe it or not, your friends with kids older than yours (especially those
with multiple kids) have probably gotten past the whole "miracle" thing, and
have settled into a more stoic "one day at a time, Lord" attitude toward
parenting and family. They understand what you're experiencing, and don't
necessarily want to re-live every moment of it through you, to the exclusion of
every other topic of conversation.
And, secretly, your childless friends are afraid of committing a serious
crime, if you give them the old "I didn't know what being a woman was all about
until I became a mother" speech, one more time-no matter how sincerely you mean
it.
No one expects you to be nonchalant about your child. On the other hand, no
one else can be as involved in your child as you. And no other relationship,
outside of the one with your spouse, can be as important to you. But just
because you're a parent, now, doesn't mean you should learn to live without
other adult friends in your life. You need them, and your child needs to see
you, relating to your friends, as a model for his own friendships.
Make the effort one more time. Plan lunch with a friend or an after-work
coffee meeting. Let her lead the conversation-and be interested in her life. As
hard as it may be, let her bring up the subject of your child.
Choose one special story to tell, that summarizes your feelings about your
child and his growth. Take three or four pictures, not the whole album. Your
friends will be happy to welcome you back. About the Author Brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, a regular contributor of valuable family oriented content. For additional tips on how to truly light up your child's eyes this holiday season like never before with personalized letters from Santa Claus.
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was like to be ...
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