| |
NLP, Communication and Relationships!
By John James Santangelo
Relationships are like new shoes… they look great in the store but once you get them home they become really uncomfortable!
As a success coach, I work in many areas of life; career desire, fitness and weight management, goal clarity, emotional mastery and relationship balance. I find relationships the most interesting and yet the most complex. Everything we in life we engage in IS a relationship. There's a direct correlation as to how we react in an intimate relationship and how we respond to our friends, family, and social or work environments. With relationships the challenge is never the other person, it's your choice of that person in the relationship! And because we've all had an opportunity to engage in good and bad ones, everyone can relate to the intention of this article.
I've interviewed thousands of people in relationships to find what ingredients make up a great recipe for success. (The secret is at the end of this article.)
Relationships can be challenging, but marriage can be overwhelming if you are not with the right partner. Yes, I know, there will be bad and tough times as well as good and great times. But it's not if those experiences will happen, it's when and how will you react to them that will determine the survival or growth of the relationship. There's a cute joke that is; "It's true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener."
But you know all this already don't you? So why then do we repeat the same mistakes again and again? Habit? Genetics? Insanity? Einstein's definition of insanity was; "doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." Sound familiar? Well, the real answer is because it's what we're most comfortable with. Our nervous system, our body/mind, as Deepak Chopra calls it, is stuck on auto-pilot. It's constantly searching out our environment for what we KNOW! What looks, sounds and feels familiar… comfortable! The challenge is we do not recognize our mistakes until it becomes UN-comfortable for us, usually about 6 months to 2 years down the road. Deep into the relationship is too late to be asking yourself, what am I doing here?
In life, everything we are and will become will be predicated upon one thing; the decisions we make. Every moment of your life you're making decisions, deciding on something. Making simple and complex decisions shape the course and direction of your life. Decisions are the basis for the quality of life you lead. Each decision you make; to go left or right, buy this or that, take this job instead of that, go out with him or her, produces the results we live with every day of our lives.
The challenge is most people utilize poor decision-making strategies. We make decisions based on the emotional state we're in at the moment we are deciding. We typically decide in the moment rather than taking into consideration how the results will impact our future. It's like blaming the shoes for being too tight!
I often say to my clients and when presenting my NLP workshops, "it's literally impossible to make a logical decision." Think about it, every decision we make is predicated upon what? How we feel at the moment we are making it! Logic plays a secondary role within our decision making strategies. Regardless of the quality of information we've gathered, we often decide based upon our feelings about the choices before us.
Our best decisions are made being mindful of our values; what is most important to us. Therefore, it is critical to understand your personal values before making life-changing decisions. When you are aware of your values and criteria, and faithfully follow them in selecting a partner, your chances of success improve tremendously. You will no longer be running by the soles of your feet!
Below are 50 characteristics which will help you recognize what is most important for you in your current or next relationship. Looking at the list before you, circle 20 traits that you desire in a mate. Of those 20, choose and write out 10 on a separate sheet or on the back. Prioritize those 10 traits from 1 being most important to 10 being of lesser importance. The top 3 traits are the ones you require in a relationship. These are your deal-breakers!
Humorous Age
Sensitive/Considerate Tall/Short
Understanding Blonde/Brunette
Openminded Hairy
Communicative Skinny/Heavy
GoalOriented Blue/Grn/Brn Eyes
Morals/Values Kind/Caring
Positive attitude Secure
Charming Sexual
FinanciallySecure Romantic/Nasty
Outgoing/Extroverted Passionate
Athletic/PhysicallyFit Generous
Health conscious Independent
Honest Drug-free
Loyal/Monogamous Non-smoker
Integrity Cleanliness
Handsome/Pretty Personal hygiene
Dress'Well Great cook
Religion Interests
Family oriented Organized
Been married or Not
Sexually safe
Has Kids Spontaneous
Worldly / Educated
Using these 10 values as a template for your wants, desires and needs will give you a better understanding and awareness when selecting a prospective date/spouse the next time you go shopping. Now knowing what is most important to you, you will shop with confidence -- as you'll have no delusions about what you're looking for.
And, yes, the secret is in making a quality decision based upon knowing your deal breakers and choosing wisely. Do a little "sole-searching!" You will find someone who's head over heels for you!
About the Author
John James Santangelo C.Ht. - Los Angeles' Premier NLP certification training company; the traditional PURE NLP 12-day 120-hr program. Learn to; develop your personal power, maintain physical vitality, create financial wealth, and produce outstanding relationships! Enroll in our free training contest. - http://www.LANLP.com or call (888) NLP-COACH for workshops or speaking opportunities!
Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/author-articles/4467/1.html
| If you wish to add the above article to your website or newsletters then please include the "Article Source: http://www.simplysearch4it.com/author-articles/4467/1.html" as shown above and make it hyperlinked. |
| Some other articles by John James Santangelo | NLP Selling and Communication Secrets!
Have you ever been in an . . . . intimate relationship? Yes, INTIMATE!
And, "HOW do you know?"
I know, strange question ...
NLP and Stress Management – How to control your emotional states?
"So then, HOW do you DO stress?"
How often during your week do you feel really stressed out?
If more than two or three times, then you're up there ...
NLP - Neuro-Linguistic Programming, A Model For Success!
If you've never heard of it before it might sound like some intellectual psycho-babble? And if you are familiar with its amazing simplicity to ...
Seductive Selling Secrets
Have you ever been in an . . . . intimate relationship? Yes, INTIMATE!
Let me ask you this, "HOW do you know?"
I know, stupid question and what's this got to do ...
Mirror and Matching; the basis of Rapport and Communication Skills!
Can you remember a time when you met someone for the first time and it just seems to click? An instant bond between the two of you, an instant 'like-ability' or trust. You can literally ...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
