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Just Wait Till Your Father Gets Home!
By J Gardener
Since the days of the Neanderthal, these six words have been spoken with a
solemn undercurrent of doom, always meant to portend a terrifying fate, always
meant to stop children in their misbehaving tracks, and fill their imaginations
with horrible visions of Dad-unleashed from all restraints of human
decency-visiting an unmerciful Armageddon down upon his unruly offspring, until
they beg for mercy, and promise never, ever to do anything wrong, ever, ever
again!
Eventually, in most families, those six words cease to terrify-because the
reality of Dad's homecoming rarely matches the threat. But even today, one of
our society's unofficial rules is that Dad is the family disciplinarian.
Thanks to advances in child psychology, and the efforts of adults to approach
"parenting" as more than a naturally occuring condition, the days of the paddle
and the spanking are becoming memories of a bygone era.
So, how is a dad supposed to fulfill his duty, if the implied threat of
unspeakable harm is no
longer part of his disciplinary arsenal? By using more effective and
longer-lasting methods, that's how.
Misbehavior on a child's part can have a number of causes, but part of a
child's "job" is to test his limits. He may consciously violate a rule, just to
see if such behavior really will result in the threatened consequences. And if the disciplinary
buck is passed to Dad, it's Dad's job to see that the appropriate punishment is
meted out, in a calm, logical way.
Punishment is always most effective when it's a logical reaction to a
violation. For instance, if a child throws a toy across the room, the
appropriate punishment might be a specific period of time without being allowed
to play with that toy. And an explanation of why throwing the toy is prohibited
(it could harm someone, for instance) will teach the child that your rules
aren't simply arbitrary; children need to know why their actions require
governing, so that they can learn proper social interaction.
Punishment is also most effective when it's administered calmly. Screaming
and yelling teaches a child to resolve conflict in a similar fashion. Calmly
explaining and applying punishment is a much more effective way to teach a child
the natural consequences of his actions, and a more effective way of maintaining
the moral high ground; when Dad becomes unhinged, he tends to lose the logical
thread of his reasoning, and punishment becomes-in the child's eyes-a power
play.
As with all aspects of effective parenting, communication is the key. When a
child knows ahead of time
the consequences of his actions, then he can make a choice-to obey the rules or
not. That choice becomes clearer, the more he understands why the rules exist as
they are; if he's been shown the damage he can cause by throwing that toy, he'll
probably think twice about throwing it, especially since he understands the
punishment he'll receive.
www.positiveparenting.com
has a variety of helpful tips for dads and moms who want to find effective
alternatives to traditional spanking.
With communication and follow-through of the promised punishment, "Wait till your father
gets home!" can still be a mom's best threat, even without its old-fashioned
visions of The Dad-Monster, unleashed. About the Author Brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, focusing on how families can get by in this wonderful world of ours. Make this Christmas magical for your family, visit http://www.santas-depot.com for the best selection of everything Christmas.
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