Hey, Dad - It's a Girl! Now What?

You knew what was coming and you had time to prepare. What more could a guy ask for? You got over the initial panic-"Pregnant? How did that happen??"-and you spent weeks doing your father-to-be due diligence; you read the books, studied the websites, compared statistics and philosophies, picked the brains of your friends who are dads, and you made a PLAN.

It was a beautiful, detailed plan, covering everything you'd teach your boy, from how to crowd the plate on a relief pitcher, to the proper technique for changing a flat tire-in the rain. You were as prepared as a man could be to usher your son into a brave new world, a world he would no doubt rule, someday, thanks to your perfect fathering skills.

Then came the ultra-sound, and those strange, foreign words the doctor uttered. You stared at her, like she was speaking ancient Greek. "I'm sorry, Doctor, could you repeat that? Girl? Daughter? Are you sure? Maybe you should look again."

But it was true. All that research, all that planning-now what? You get how to raise a boy, but a girl Now her mother would be the one to take the lead in raising her, and your job would be to spend the next few decades worrying abouteverything.

And, yes, your girl is perfect, and absolutely yes, you couldn't love another human being more. But, deep down, you worry that you'll never be as close to her as you would have been to a son.

Take heart, Tarzan. Don't throw away the plan. Just because girls are different doesn't mean fathers and daughters can't be close. Your daughter can benefit as much from your wisdom as from her mother's.

According to Dr. Linda Nielsen, at www.interactivedadmagazine.com , fathers who take an active part in parenting have as much or more beneficial impact as mothers in their daughters's lives, especially in the following areas:

"(1) Achieving academic and career success-especially in math and science; (2) Creating a loving, trusting relationship with a man; (3) Dealing well with people in authority-especially men; (4) Being self-confident and self-reliant; (5) Being willing to try new things and to accept challenges; (6) Maintaining good mental health (no clinical depression, eating disorders, or chronic anxiety); (7) Expressing anger comfortably and appropriately-especially with men."

Of course, there are differences in the way you and your spouse approach parenting-you tend to play games which are more physical and less predictable; you let your daughter work on problems a bit longer, before you offer assistance; and you explain discipline more in terms of the long-term, real-world consequences of misbehavior.

But, if you and your wife work together, supporting each other's methods, your daughter can be just as successful and well-rounded as you planned.

Go ahead, if she's interested-teach her how to throw a tight spiral and how to set the perfect fishing lure. She'll be happy for the time with you and the attention. Often, daughters find it easier to confide in fathers, when their conversation is wrapped around other activity.

You can still be every bit as good a parent as you planned. And, who knows? She may just rule that brave new world, thanks to you.