10 Steps to Help You on Your Way Back to a Fulfilling Life After Your Divorce
By Steve Dimeck
Divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through, but it doesn't mean the potential for a happy life has ended. A divorce can leave you completely worn out and drained of desires to go on with your life. It's terribly hard and it's an emotional blow that's difficult to recover from. But, it must not be taken as the end of everything. You have to take it as the end of one period or chapter in your life. Look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning. Accept your current situation as is, and build your life to what you want it to be from this very moment onward. Build "a better you."
And, how would you accomplish just that?
Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life.
1. After your divorce, the most important step is to move forward wisely. You're no longer one half of a couple. Your happiness is now entirely in your own hands. Take your time to understand the changes that are happening in your life. Obtaining a complete understanding of your situation will get you very far and very fast.
2. Try not to get caught up feeling sorry for yourself, which will keep you from thinking clearly. Instead, sit down when you find peace and quiet, take a blank sheet of paper, and list your current situation. Then, one at a time, list your options and possible solutions to each problem. Don't worry about finding a solution for all at once. Just try to see clearly what your next step ought to be. Begin to make one goal a week, write down what needs to be done to get it accomplished, and simply do it. That will improve your life and your self-confidence very quickly.
3. Re-discover yourself. How much did you give up during your marriage? How much did you sacrifice in order to satisfy your partner? Now is the time to start living for yourself. Doing the things that make you happy will significantly increase your self-esteem.
4. You felt rejected after your divorce. But, your ex-spouse's rejection does not change who you are and how valuable you are as a person. The rejection was just a choice your ex-spouse made. That's all. You have to always remember that your ex-spouse's choice does not determine your worth. Keep in your mind that you are still a person worthy of a happy and a fulfilling life.
5. You might carry a lot of anger in you. Trying to get even with your ex-spouse will just end up exhausting your energy on something that isn't going to bring you any accomplishment. Approach your anger in a sensible manner. Find a friend, or a priest, or a counselor, or just any person who is a good listener. Not the one who can't wait to give you his or her "opinionated" advice. The one that would just listen, and tell him or her how you feel. Anger needs an outlet. Venting it out will help you get back to a healthy, emotional state of mind.
6. You've got some great memories from your time together. Remember them by all means, but don't dwell on them. Remember yourself that there are some fantastic moments waiting for you in the future. Your future is what you need to be thinking about and focus on.
7. There can be employment and financial difficulties. Accept that the life will be a great challenge. But, look at the challenge as an opportunity to grow in character. Know exactly how much money you have coming in, and manage wisely the money going out. Don't be afraid to make sacrifices. If your income is low or non-existent, contact the Social Services Benefits Advice Service and they will help you claim any benefits that you're eligible for.
8. Don't become lonely. You might feel depressed because of the divorce and the depression will make you want to isolate yourself. You may lose some of your "couple friends." This is perfectly normal. Whatever you do, be positive when you're out and about with people. You never know who you will meet. That new person may help you out tremendously.
9. A rebound relationship may cause you more harm than good. Remember that there is a broad line between getting to know a person and bonding a close and intimate relationship. When you try to jump into it too quickly, you might be forcing the relationship without creating the bond. You don't want to get hurt again. You want someone to freely choose to love you for yourself. Love freely given is a real love. Real love has to come from the person's heart.
10. Just be yourself. Be happy, be cheerful, always with a smile on your face even if you have to force it sometimes. People will remember you and like you for that. Just don't go around evaluating every man or woman you meet as a possible candidate for your next marriage. Intermingle with people and be a real friend. And when the time is right, love will find you again.
Whatever your circumstances, it is of the utmost importance that when the pain of divorce descends upon you ...
- you realize that you can recover,
- that you will recover,
- and that this is in reality.
However bad it may seem right now, it is an opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness.
Disclaimer: The author and publisher of this article have done their best to give you useful, informative and accurate information. This article does not represent nor replace the legal advice you need to get from a lawyer, or other professional if the content of the article involves an issue you are facing. Divorce laws vary from state-to-state and change from time-to-time. In addition, it is a very fact-specific area of the law, meaning that the particular facts of your marriage and divorce, as well as other external factors may determine how the law is applied in your situation. Always consult with a qualified professional before making any decisions about the issues described in this article. Thank you.
About the Author
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