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Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Pet
By J Gardener
The death of a pet can be a traumatic experience for the whole family. For a
young child, it can also be confusing-it's often the first time a child must
deal with such loss. In many cases, the pet has been with the family since
before the child's birth, so he or she has grown up with the pet as a real part
of the family. Children tend to relate to pets as playmates, so the loss, to a
child, is often the loss of a best friend.
But while it's a sad time in a family's life, it can also be an opportunity
for learning, in ways that will help a child cope with life's future
stresses.
As parents, we naturally want to shield our children from pain and grief, but
most experts agree that masking the reality of what's happening can only add to
a child's confusion. We need to be honest and shouldn't avoid using words like
"death" and "dying", even though very young children may not be able to grasp
their finality. Phrases like "put to sleep", on the other hand, can connect
harmful connotations to normal activities; if a child thinks that sleep is
something from which he may not recover, he could develop an unnecessary phobia
of going to bed.
If a pet's decline is due to age or illness, and euthanasia is recommended by
your veteranarian, it can be helpful to include your child in the
decision-making process. Explain the stiuation honestly: "Spot is in a lot of
pain, and the doctor can't make him better. We don't want him to suffer, and we
can help him die in peace."
Your vet has experience in explaining the problems of illness and the process
of euthanasia to children, and most vets are happy to help you answer your
child's questions. As well, if your pet has suffered traumatic injury, your vet
is the best resource to explain the reasons for death.
Encourage your child to express his feelings. It may not happen with
words-your child may not yet possess the nuance of vocabulary necessary to
properly convey such feelings. He may find it easier to draw a picture of his
life now, without his friend.
Express your own feelings, as well. Tell your child how sad the loss of Spot
makes you feel. Hiding your pain may make your child wonder if you'd miss him,
if he were gone.
A number of resources are available on the internet for dealing with pet
loss-Amazon.com lists many books written specifically for parents to help guide
their children through the processes of loss and grief.
One important piece of advice many experts offer: Don't rush out to replace
your cherished pet, in the hopes of quickly alleviating your child's pain. Allow
the process of grief and recovery to run its course. Your child may not be ready
to give a new pet the same love and attention he devoted to Spot. And, again,
you don't want to teach him that lost loved ones can be instantly replaced. That
can add to his own insecurity, regarding his place in your family.
Grieving is a natural part of life, and so is recovery. Sharing these
processes as a family can help teach your child important life lessons, as well
as provide the extra attention your child often needs, during this time. About the Author This article was brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, a regular contributor of valuable family oriented content. For a safe and fun place online for your children this holiday season visit the official Santa Claus Web Site.
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