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Do You Practice What You Preach??
By Kerry Flinders
Copyright 2005 Kerry Flinders
Do you send your children mixed signals when it comes to cleaning and organizing?
Do you expect them to make their beds, pick up their floors and put their things away before school, yet your bed is not made, your pajamas are on the floor and your makeup is still on the counter in the bathroom when you leave for work?
As a Professional Organizer I am often hired to help a child, many times a teenager, learn how to clean their room, organize their space and keep it that way. Their parents hire me for this purpose. The parent is sick and tired of their child's room always being a mess. They're tired of hearing their child tell them that the room is clean and tidy when clearly it is not.
Yet, in most cases, when I arrive to help work with their child I am amazed by the fact that while the parent expects the child to have their bed made, their room picked up and everything put away properly when I look in the parents own room none of these things are done in there.
How can a parent expect their child, of any age, to take care of themselves and their possessions properly when the parent who is setting the rules don't follow them at all?
A lot of parents, throughout history, have held on to a saying that I believe may cause more harm than good, "Do as I say, not as I do."
I do not believe in this philosophy. I understand that we parents are truly busy in the mornings. We may not have the 5 minutes it takes to make our bed and pick up our clothes. We may not have time in the morning to put away all of our makeup and still get our children's lunches made for school.
But how can we expect our children to pick up their rooms and their messes in the morning before school when our own items are laying around everywhere.
I do not believe in laying down rules for my children that I do not follow myself. There are several days a month when I do not get to making my bed in the morning. It may not get made until that afternoon, or in the evening, or maybe not at all that day.
Yes, I do ask my kids to make their beds every morning, but they get busy too. So if my own bed is not made a few days each month then I expect that perhaps my children's beds won't get made a few days each month.
Of course this can pertain to anything you tell your child to do or not to do. You can not expect to successfully convince your child not to smoke cigarettes when you are smoking them yourself.
You can not expect your child to be in by his or her curfew when you come in hours past the time you told them you'd be home.
You must lead by example. If you want your child, no matter what their age, to be clean, tidy and organized young people then you need to be clean, tidy and organized yourself.
Do not lay down rules that you do not intend to follow yourself. Do not give your child a list of things to accomplish each morning before school if you are not willing to accomplish those same things yourself.
You simply can not get your child to respect you enough to do the things you want them to do when you do not do them yourself as well.
Practice what you preach.
So, what do I tell my clients who hire me to help their child learn how to be organized, yet they themselves are a mess? I tell them just what I've told you here. And I schedule a separate visit so I can work with them to get their own rooms clean, tidy and organized.
About the Author
The author Kerry Flinders is the owner of Personal Organizing Solutions located in Southern California. Kerry and her company are dedicated to helping others organize their clutter and their lives, eliminating unnecessary stress and helping the client to find more time in their day for the things they love. Kerry is the author of the book "Organizing With NO Budget". You can find sign up for Kerry's F~REE Organizing Newsletter, or request her F~REE Organizing Tip-Pak by visiting their website at http://www.personalorganizingsolutions.com
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